How did it all start in the first place..
I know some of you are curious about it.. so I’ll put a post about it here.. not just for future references.. but also for clarification..
Nearly four years ago..
I was just checking out sites in the internet three years ago.. specifically chat rooms.. one may say that it is out of curiosity.. but to me, I think it was a mix.. I was not just curious, but I was also lonely.. and I needed a friend..
Since I have a hard time talking to people.. scared that me being myself would give them the impression that I was a doofus (and a bit of a geek slash nerd, which I admit).. I decided to look for friends in the internet..
I got more than what I have bargained for..
I learned that there are people who are looking for pleasure.. let me define first pleasure.. pleasure means having that wanting feeling and getting it.. it could be sexual.. it could be satisfaction of being able to talk to somebody.. it could be the fact that you have helped somebody..
Unfortunately.. I have this tendency to mix up my ideal perspective with the real world.. and that kind of sadden me because not everybody is after friendship.. they’re after for physical pleasure.. some are as “simple” as sex-talk.. some are as “complicated” as a web video show..
There were lots of random people in that chat room (I kinda forgot the site name).. but there was a sort of “tugging” or a “push”.. I was looking for a specific name of a girl and I had no idea why.. whenever I hear that name, there’s a sort of feeling that I can’t describe.. it starts from my chest, down to the part between my legs..
And yeah.. that kinda freaked me out too..
So I talked to people with that specific name.. after a couple of tries, I get to talk to this girl.. I have to admit, I forgot most of what we talked about that time.. but we decided to exchange our email addresses for future references.. it was a mutual friendship and understanding so to speak..
Like a pen-pal.. but minus the paper, and add the keyboard..
After a couple of days.. we exchanged pictures.. and I have to say.. I was attracted to her.. she was not just pretty, the word pretty isn’t even enough to describe her.. there was something about her.. maybe it was because of her simplicity.. her smile that seemed genuine in every picture.. I couldn’t really tell at that time.. but I knew right then and there that I admired the girl very much..
We exchanged our names.. mine was Jammy.. hers was Sarah..
We still exchanged emails every now and then despite our busy schedule.. I was particularly glad that I can be myself with this stranger.. that she wouldn’t mind me being a goof or a nerd of a geek.. I still get insecure but somehow, I feel comfy around her.. and that was new to me because I never met her personally..
I forgot who said it first.. but when we exchanged saying “I love you”.. it was different.. it wasn’t between friends.. or family members.. it was more.. intimate.. in a way..
But I gotta admit.. I was scared shit.. because I’ve never been in a relationship before.. and the fact that we are
miles continents away from each other.. and the fact that we never met personally..
..and yeah, almost forgot, the fact that we’re both girls
It was very complicated so to speak..
We started off slow really.. we took our time.. and I did my own research with regards to this.. but even though I did my research through the internet and through friends and family members.. I still feel that it wasn’t enough.. experiencing it would make me understand the concepts..
Yes my family knows.. but they are not worried about the fact that I am in a relationship with a girl.. they are worried about the fact that I am in a long-distance relationship.. which I am very thankful for.. because they’re realistic about the situation..
Yes my friends knows.. and they are very casual and okay with it.. to the point that they tease me often about it.. which I am very thankful for.. because they accept me for who I am and what I am..
But the relationship wasn’t very easy.. it was hard and frustrating.. it was not a very typical relationship.. there were others who think that it was just a phase or an experiment.. a fling so to speak..
During our relationship.. Sarah broke up with me twice.. I cooled off with her once.. and there were a couple of misunderstandings and petty fights..
I never heard her voice.. I’ve never seen her face.. even until now..
We grew up with different views, different culture, different traditions and beliefs..
How in the world are we still together? Happy and confident and still very much in love with each other? After almost four years of long-distance relationship?
Well.. it’s not easy, but it’s not very hard either..
Communication.. Honesty and Trust.. Give-and-Take.. Hope.. Love..
That’s our top five “ingredients” in our relationship..
I’ve learned so much from this amazing and wonderful human being..
Not only is Sarah patient and understanding to me.. but she makes me feel comfortable and beautiful in her own way without her even trying..
Her replies are short and sweet (not a paragraph or an essay like mine), and I love that about her..
She makes me laugh and smile with her surprisingly-witty (and flirtatious) comments..
She reminds me and tells me things not just to make me feel better but to let me know..
She lets me know the different perspectives and lets me choose what I want, not forcing me into making a decision..
One of the biggest things I’ve learned about Sarah is that.. there is a fine line with being private and being ashamed.. Sarah taught me that I shouldn’t be ashamed, because loving somebody with all that you have genuinely, no matter who that person is, is nothing to be ashamed of..
Until now I still question sometimes.. what did I do in my life to deserve this.. this amazing woman.. to love me back.. because I’m being Jammy.. heck, I’m still insecure bout me being Jammy.. and yet, this girl loves me for being me..
And I love my Sarah.. all of her.. inside out.. her being stubborn, her being secretive, her being shy, her being confident, her being outspoken, her being smart, her being vulnerable, her being her.. I love Sarah..
I remember telling Sarah about “the red thread”.. about how all of us have a red thread linked to our pinky fingers, and at the end of that thread, is our soulmate.. and I truly believe that she’s the one..
She’s the one.. she sees me as this perfect girl, even though I’m not.. she always brings out the best in me.. we are each other’s biggest fan and biggest critic.. we both know that it’s not all happy when it comes to being in this relationship.. we’ve had our shares of misunderstandings and fights.. but at the end of the day, we talk and apologize.. we let our pride aside and let love in.. and I think that made us grow together dependently and independently.. she made me realize that being here is worth it.. we look out for each other, we share what we think and how we feel, we help each other out.. we’re pretty close.. it’s a give-and-take thingy that we have..
Sarah is not my first.. but she is my one and only..
Sarah is not the girl of my dreams.. because she exceeded my expectations of my dream girl..
Sarah is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.. ^_^